Avalyn's Birth Story

My daughter's birth was a defining moment for me. When I was holding my firstborn, that was the moment I fully became a mother in my mind. I was both so ready and so unprepared to be a mother at 21, but she is truly the most wonderful little girl, and my life would be incomplete without her.

It was a cold, wet February night in Paradise, California. I was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I had been working on schoolwork all day, and it was about 10:00 pm. I had been trying to get comfortable enough to sleep, but I just couldn’t settle. My stomach was aching, and I thought I had maybe eaten something bad for dinner. After tossing for a few minutes, I sat up and went to use the restroom. Nothing happened, and I ended up just splashing my face with water. As I was drying my face off, I got a sudden, cramping pain in my stomach. I leaned down against the sink counter and rocked back and forth for a minute until the pain subsided just as abruptly as it had begun. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought Could it be…? Sure enough, several minutes later I had another pain and again leaned on the sink for support. Once the pain subsided, I went into my bedroom to grab my phone. I opened up the stopwatch and then just waited quietly, my excitement starting to mount. Was it time? Could this be the beginning of my labor? Was today going to be the day of my daughter's birth? My hands started to sweat a bit, fearing the unknown I was about to experience.

The pain started again, and I quickly pushed the start button on my phone before sucking in a breath and bending over. This third one was stronger and sharper than the first two, however, it only lasted about 20 seconds. I timed several more instances before concluding that I had indeed started having contractions. All that was covered in my birthing class started to run through my mind. I knew I was in early labor and that my contractions hadn’t become consistent enough to warrant going to the hospital. So, I decided to just keep going in that little bathroom with my timer. It was about 11:00 at night now.

By 1:00 in the morning, my contractions had increased and were getting closer together. At this time, I decided to go wake my mom. I went to her and gently touched her shoulder. She has always been a light sleeper and woke easily, her eyes flying open.

“Mama, I’ve been having contractions since I went to bed at 10:00 pm. I’ve been timing them and I’m about 5 minutes apart at this point,” I said. Her eyes widened.

“Has your water broken?” she asked.

“No, not yet, just contractions,” I replied. “They are getting pretty strong; I’m having a harder time breathing through them.”

“Have you eaten anything? Have you been keeping up on water?” she asked, with a note of concern and urgency in her tone.

“I have been drinking water, but I haven’t eaten anything since dinner,” I said.

“Let’s go and see if we can get something in your stomach as you are going to be needing it soon,” she said and with that, she herded me down the hall to the kitchen. She grabbed me a fig bar and sat me down on the couch. She started making some light conversation while I started to nibble on a fig bar. A moment later, another contraction hit, and I pulled out my timer again. 20 minutes later I was still trying to talk through contractions on the couch with my mother when I had a sudden sharp pain in my stomach. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen to vomit in the trash can. My mom came up behind me to hold my hair and rub my back as my body purged everything in my system. My mom had been my primary support throughout my pregnancy and now would be by my side throughout my labor. She and I had always been close but were even more so now that I was about to become a mother myself.

“I think it might be about time to head to the hospital now. Just let me go shower and then we can head out,” I told her, still kneeling on the floor of the kitchen. My excitement and nerves were at an all-time high at this point, simultaneously feeling ready and fearful of bringing my daughter into this world. It’s time.

“Alright, well let’s get moving then,” she replied. I got up off the floor and hurried to my room to shower. I had my hospital bag already packed since I was so close to my due date. It was now the 5th of February. She’ll be 2 days early if I have her today. I quickly washed and then got into some comfy clothes to go to the hospital. My mom and I got everything packed in the car, and before I knew it, we were on our way to the hospital.

When we got to the labor and delivery department, the first thing I noticed was the quiet. It was peaceful there, which was surprising. You don’t imagine a ward full of women in labor or just out of labor to be peaceful. It smelled faintly of sanitizer but felt more welcoming and inviting than a normal doctor’s office. The walls were pink, and there were pictures on the walls of women with babies, babies in cute little outfits and all other things soft and feminine. The nurse at the front desk asked what was going on. I told her about the contractions I’d been having since 10:00 pm the night before. It was now about 2:00 am on Sunday, February 5th, 2017. The nurse got me all checked in and led me to an examination room. They hooked me up to a machine to monitor my contractions, and another nurse came in a moment later to examine me. I was only about 3-4 centimeters dilated at this point, so the nurse suggested that I walk around the hospital for an hour before returning to be examined again to track my progression. She gave me some tips on how to help me lean into the contractions and make them more effective at moving my daughter down lower in the birth canal before sending me off to walk around.

As I walked around the halls with my mom, I made sure to use the tips she had given me. By this time, my contractions had gotten to the point of stopping me in my tracks each time one began. The pain was intense, and I couldn’t walk or talk through them. It felt like my whole body was focused in on my belly; the sharp widespread pain pulling me in towards my center with each wave of contractions. At about 3:15 am, my mother and I made our way back to the labor and delivery department of the hospital. They checked me again and pronounced me at 8 centimeters dilated, twice what I had been just an hour before! They immediately got me into a room and hooked me up to a monitor to check on both my vitals and my daughter’s vitals. We were both doing well, so I was cleared to be up and moving if that’s how I wanted to labor. I decided to lie down for a bit since I hadn’t slept that night at all. I attempted to sleep, but really, I just rested between contractions. My brothers and my dad came to visit me around 8:30 am. At this point, my labor had stalled. I wasn’t progressing any further and my water still hadn’t broken.

After they left, my doctor came in and examined me again around 11:00 am. Since my labor had stalled, he put me on Pitocin, and we decided it would be best if he broke my waters for me. The combination of those two kicked my contractions up to an almost unbearable intensity. At this point, I truly was not able to even think during my contractions. I barely remember anything happening, just the waves of pain with each contraction. I decided to spend some time in the shower as the hot water was supposed to help with the pain. I was half-crouched, half leaning against the wall of the shower with the hot water pounding on my lower back. After 3 more hours of this back and forth between the bed and the shower to the medicine ball, I caved and asked the nurse for something to help with the pain. I had already decided that I would never do an epidural but asked for some light pain medicine to help me rest for a minute. I was drained, hungry and tired, but still, my daughter wasn’t ready to come. The nurse came back with my doctor, and he inserted something into my I.V. I don’t remember anything at this point as I was knocked out as soon as the pain medicine hit my system. I was weary to the bone, the kind of aching tiredness that you feel throughout your whole body. My mom, who had still been by my side this entire time, said I slept for about a half hour, my whole body tensing and clenching with each contraction. I woke up suddenly and remembered asking for my doctor. He came in, took one moment to quickly examine me and confirmed what everyone already knew.

“It’s time, Dakota. It’s time to start pushing now,” he said quietly. Suddenly, my room was filled with about 5 or 6 nurses, my bed was propped up and the stirrups were set up. Dr. Behrmann advised me to put my feet in the stirrups, hold onto my knees and bear down with everything I had when the next contraction came.

“Now!” he said. I had tucked my head down as I felt the wave of the contraction start to crash over me. “Keep going, keep going, keep going,” Dr. Behrmann said when he noticed me starting to lighten up. I gasped in relief once the contraction ended and collapsed back against the propped-up head of the bed behind me. This repeated several more times as my contractions kept coming and I tried to bring my daughter into the world. I was still hooked up to the monitor and heard my doctor and mom talking beside me, but I couldn’t make sense of what they said through the fog of pain in my mind.

“All right Dakota, this is it. We need to get her out now, you need to give this one everything you have,” he said. I remember glancing up, nodding my head and tucking my chin back down again to prepare for the next contraction. With his voice to guide me on timing, I sat forward and bore down with everything I had as the pain crashed over me.

“Come on, that’s it, Dakota, just a little more!” I heard as I felt her start to slip from my body just after the pain intensified to a record-breaking height. I started to cry in relief, and Dr. Behrmann held my daughter for just a moment, unwinding something from her neck before setting her on my chest. She was reddish-purple, covered in blood and goo, and yet the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was overwhelmed with emotion and all I could get out to greet her was a quiet “Oh, hi” as I stared at her sweet face. Her weight on my chest was new and unfamiliar, and the sudden emptiness in my belly, which had been so full for those last few months, was a shock. I felt like something was missing inside me, but it turned out I had everything in my arms at that moment.

Later, when I questioned what exactly had been on her neck, I was told it was the umbilical cord that had been wrapped around her neck three times. Every time I pushed; she had been starting to suffocate as the cord tightened on her neck. They had all been watching her vitals while I was laboring and kept such a calm demeanor so that I wouldn’t become concerned and have to be rushed to an operating room for an emergency c-section. I was shocked to discover this as no one in that delivery room ever gave me any clue that there was something wrong when I was resting between pushes. I felt a rush of gratitude towards my mother and Dr. Behrmann because I probably wouldn’t have been able to stay so focused and determined had I known that Avalyn was struggling. She had finally arrived, though, and she was perfect. My sweet little Avalyn Rose was born on February 5th, at 4:29 pm after 18.5 hours of intense labor.

Her birth story is also my birth story. It was my birth into a new version of myself; a more patient, stronger, and more selfless version of myself. I was forever changed from that moment on, and I've never looked back. I think sometimes it is overlooked just how transformational birth is for the mother. Battling through pain, exhaustion and hormones to come out the other end with this beautiful little life that you are responsible for is such a pivotal moment, a trial by fire, a last rite before entering motherhood. I think in a way it prepares you mentally to battle through trials in motherhood like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, sleeplessness, hormonal changes and the lifestyle changes that come with caring for a child. Birth is such a beautiful and difficult moment, but it is often a very defining one for a mother.

Dakota DeSanctis is the Editor-in-Chief of Connecting Mothers Initiative, a military wife and a mother of two. She has her bachelor’s degree in English from California Baptist University and loves baking, reading, spending time with her family and exercising.